Happy Endings!
by Aditya sengupta
“I HATE stories with happy endings. I mean, what’s the point of them? They are like, SO clichéd and predictable. What’s the point if the hero gets his heroine at the end? Everyone knows that’s what is gonna happen. Villains die at the end of books and films. The mother and son are re-united suddenly, love problems are solved.......”
Ashnil’s best friend Sunita whispered over the phone. It was past midnight, the perfect time for a long, heart-to-heart conversation. Ashnil was half listening, as she murmured, “Hmm. True, true.”
“ASH! Are you listening at all?”
“Yes, yes! It’s just that, Soumya called.”
“AGAIN? Why won’t the bastard leave you in peace? He IS cheating on you. I know it.” Sunita was absolutely livid.
Ashnil sighed, brushed aside a strand of hair from her face, and turned in her bed. The side of her pillow was wet from the 3 hour flow of tears that preceded this phone call. She searched for the correct reply, “Dunno really! You know something, the more I think about it, the more I get confused. Suni, I...”
“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Not a word more. I know exactly what’s about to come up. You can’t stop thinking about him, you really love him from the bottom of your heart and you can’t leave him, even though he has spent that last 6 months hurting you with absolute perfection.”
BINGO! Thought Ashnil.
“No, Suni. He really loves me. I think I should give him some more time. To think things over. What say?”
“I say bullshit! C’mon gal, grow up. Get over him. Shit happens.”
The tears were coming again. Taking a deep breath, she knelt onto a comfortable position on bed, glancing at three photos kept on her bedside table. One was her and Soumya on one of their dates to the Victoria Memorial. The second was a picture of her, Sunita and another friend, Rajanya. The third one was her picture on the day she passed out of school. She was smiling in all 3 of them.
Happy memories have little practical purposes, especially in times like these. This thought flashed across Ashnil’s mind as she struggled to fight back tears.
“ASH! You there? Dozed off, kya?
“Still...still here!”
“Good, now you listen to me........”
Her voice continued speaking in a blurred, diffused voice, like a resonating conscience, as Ashnil laid the earpiece on the side of her face, as she fell back onto the pillow, silently crying. Her eyes went back to the first picture on the table. How happy they were. Ashnil and Soumya. Lovers forever.
She remembered every word that was spoken that day at
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“Guess who made the Victoria Memorial, Ash!”, teased Soumya.
“Mountbatten?” She chuckled.
“MOUNTBATTEN? Are you off your mind? Sir William Emerson! Great man!”
“William Emerson? Who was he? Some leader?”
“SIR William Emerson. Not just William Emerson. And no, he wasn’t any leader. An architect of the highest order.”
They walked past the beautiful gardens, past the green trees, the excited chatter of the multitude of tourists, the smell of the gorgeous lake, hand in hand. They stopped to sit on the chairs provided, gazing at the magnificent structure, architecture and science forgotten in a myriad mixture of romance and deluded passion.
And then, on that chair, in the twilight of the evening sun, Ashnil and Soumya shared true love’s first kiss.
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“...so, don’t feel bad, girl! Go to bed, things will get better tomorrow.”
Finally, Sunita had stopped jabbering. Ashnil muttered an inaudible, “Goodnight” to Sunita and thumped back on her bed, hair falling all over her pretty face.
The past 6 months have been pretty rough. Relationships. The toughest thing to have been discovered after nuclear physics. What’s the point of indulging in juvenile romance if it does bring heartburn? True Soumya was not being himself for the past 6 months. Infrequent calls, minimum messages, not a single ‘I Love You So Much’ message. It hurt her. They were not ‘really’ lovers. They enjoyed each other’s company and felt a connection. But was it love? True Soumya once admitted that he felt them to be “destined for marriage”. A tiny conscience like voice, sounding a lot like Sunita said, “BULLSHIT!” Maybe Soumya DOES take her for granted. Maybe he’s just playing around with her emotions. Maybe Suni is right! Ashnil hadn’t told her the times Soumya had, in his drunken rage, slapped her and torn her clothes. She was scared of him.
Her phone rang twice to ‘Broken Strings’ by James Morrison. Messages. Ashnil felt tired and lethargic even to pick up her phone to check the messages. But since it was nearly 2 a.m. the messages shouldn’t be ignored, she thought.
The first one was from Soumya -–
“Cnt cme 2mrw to
Gotta go someplace.
Will cal u l8r dear. Reply if u cn.
G’nite. Tk cr.
Swt drmz.”
The second one was from Sunita –
“Wat 2 do wen u face choices.
Simple.
Just toss a coin.
It works.
Nt coz it settles d confusion. Bt while d coin is in d air, u knw exactly wht u r hoping for.”
Like a bolt of lightning, Ashnil was up on her bed. Divine intervention was what she was experiencing. Jumping out of bed, she frantically searched for a coin in her bag! A second later, she was on her bed again, with a one rupee coin in her hand.
FLIP! As she stared into the swirling circular coin, now falling onto her grey bedsheet, she knew exactly what she had to do.
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College brims with life always, thought Ashnil as she stepped into the campus. There was an odd sense of confidence in her.
An unknown smile played on her lips, as she hummed ‘Why’ by Secondhand Serenade and bumped into Sunita who was walking the opposite direction. Needless to say, she was pretty shocked.
“Why look at YOU! What did you do, dear? A makeover? You look SEXY!”
Ashnil laughed out loud. “Yeah, I might have brushed my hair somewhat in a different way, and wearing some new clothes, maybe with a hint of new make-up and some new perfume!”
“Wow! What’s so new about today?”
“A lot Suni. A LOT!”
“Don’t tell me, you’re dumping Soumya?”
“Er...not really. I was thinking something more along the lines of humiliation, mixed with a smatter of insults and a hint of sarcasm. What say?”
Sunita’s eyes glowed with a vicious brutality. “Are you SERIOUS?”
Ashnil smiled. “Very.”
Quickly flipping out her cell phone, she composed a small message and speedily sent it to Soumya. It was written – “Meet me aftr cls in canteen. I’ve gt a gift 4 you. It’ll be romantic. Love ya, dear. C ya.”
Sunita’s mouth fell open as she read this. “What’s gotten into you, gal?”
“Come after class, Suni. We’re gonna have fun.” She smiled and within the blink of an eye, had rushed back to her English class.
Sunita stared at her open-mouthed.
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Canteen.
Big; full of students. PERFECT.
Ashnil smiled.
There he was, walking up to her. Soumya Ray. Tall, handsome, good-looking, a perfect gentleman. Well, at least that’s what he looked from the outside. His lop-sided smile, lack of interest in his casual walk irritated Ashnil. He walked up to her brusquely and languidly sat down beside her, with his hands in his pockets. Sunita was seated behind Ashnil.
“What’s she doing here?” asked Soumya, jerking his head in Sunita’s direction.
Sunita stood up. Ashnil looked back at her and indicated her to sit down.
Soumya looked offended. Choosing not to comment, he said, “So, babe! What do ya have for me?”
Ashnil took a deep breath. 6 months of hatred were tough to control. “I want to break up with you.”
Soumya stared at her for a second, and then he laughed. For a minute or two, he just kept on laughing. Ashnil didn’t move a muscle.
“Babe, if this was your idea of a joke, it isn’t funny.” He stood up and started to leave.
“HEY JERK!”
Soumya whirled around. Ashnil was on her feet.
“Hey, JERK, for six goddamn months, you’ve been the cause of trauma to my lower posterior abdomen.”
“WHAT?” cried Soumya.
“A pain in the ass, dumbo!”
Sunita burst out in peals of laughter. Three guys stopped eating and leaned back to watch.
“Every freaking time you open your mouth, your IQ drops. I’ve even met a freaking gorilla in the Calcutta Zoo who wants you to return his face!”
The boys started howling in laughter. A crowd was gathering. Soumya’s face was reddening. He opened his mouth to say something, “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Oh, I’m sorry! I just thought stupidity ran in your family.”
More laughter followed. A semi-circle of 30 odd college students had gathered to watch the break-up.
“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?”
“Look, dear. Do the world a favour, pull your lip over your head and swallow!”
“Shut up, bitch! One slap and you’d die.”
“Oh, I’d fight you gladly. But the animal protection act sort of gets in the way.”
Sunita was on her knees now. Her stomach hurt from the laughter. Soumya felt the eyes of nearly 50 and a-still gathering crowd on him. He pulled Ashnil close to him and whispered in her ears, “If you just want a break-up, why don’t you say so.”
She pulled back, “You BASTARD! After 6 months of 3rd degree, you want a fucking break-up? Jeez, if I had a dog, I’d shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards!”
Laughter was echoing around the canteen now. The crowd was enjoying the show.
“I mean, why the fuck did I fall for you in the first place? Someone as ugly as ‘expired Baygon spray’- such as you are - should at least have the common decency to make up for it with a decent personality, but no. You're just creepy, aren't you?”
“SHUT UP!”
Soumya’s scream was lost in the laughter that issued from the crowd which was now applauding Ashnil.
“You know something. I’d love to give you the thorough beating you so rightfully deserve, but I also know what a pain it is to try to wash off that sort of a smell.”
Soumya started to walk away. The crowd was rejoicing in triumph. Ashnil was smiling; Sunita was almost dead for breath. As he was going away, Ashnil screamed after him, “MAY YOUR ARMPITS BE INFESTED WITH THE FLEAS OF A THOUSAND CAMELS! May the gods suffer your grave to be desecrated by those who rape English sheep.”
More laughter. Soumya turned slowly.
“You are the ignoble, ignorant, illiterate, incestuous, illegitimate progeny of parents who belong to the phyla insecta. You are a sleezy, slimy, sticky, stinky, scum bucket full of maggot vomit and horse poo.”
Soumya’s face contorted in confusion. The audience was now screaming their approval, applause was raining down.
“Oh, I forgot. English, right? You don’t get much of it, do you?”
“You bitch! You and your WHOLE FAMILY are a bunch of dogs” screamed Soumya in blind rage.
The crowd fell silent. Family was a touchy issue.
Ashnil paused. “You know the reason they keep killing abortion doctors? It's because they didn't abort you!”
Applause. And laughter.
As the applause heightened, Ashnil strode up to Soumya. SMACK!
She slapped him hard on the cheek.
He brought his face close to her, “FUCK YOU!”
“Good for me. As for you, you couldn’t even get laid if you were a free prostitute at a sex club in
Saying this, she turned and left.
The crowd cheered her, clapping at this wonderful woman, who showed this cheating, two-timing man, the door to the exit. Ashnil went to Sunita, who hugged her with delight and shouted, “THAT WAS AMAZING, BLOODY AMAZING!”
Ashnil laughed with her.
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That night, after midnight, she was talking to Sunita once again.
“...but happy endings ain’t all that bad, na?”
Ashnil glanced at her side. Two pictures now adorned her bedside table. One with her friends Sunita and Rajanya. The other on her school graduation day.
“Yeah, you’re right. I like happy endings too, y’know.”
And they chatted on till late that night.
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